- Mary Ruth Velicki
From Conflict to Creation
Updated: May 25, 2021
Sometimes our relationships are constraining and challenging. When this happens, it is easy to engage in this resistance and hop into fear. But as you become aware of your reactions, it is possible to open up new choices.
Picture your internal resistance like velcro that attracts and carries around constricting patterns. When you soften and release this resistance, the same situations are less likely to stick to you, and it becomes easier to let these issues flow around you and past you. The idea of releasing internal resistance sounds esoteric, but it simply refers to the practice of noticing and switching your mindset. This processing moves us from being a victim of our external circumstances to an active creator of our internal experience. Difficult situations can then become more than something to fight against, avoid, or endure; they can become valuable training grounds. And this personal growth then allows us to act in the world in more life-giving ways.
Before we begin, let me clarify. This list is not something that is easily accomplished or needs to be completed. It simply presents options for you to try out and practice to help shift your inner and outer experiences in life. Here we go...
1. Instead of fearfully focusing on the outcome you want, consider staying present and responding to the situation as it evolves.
2. Set boundaries when actions are not life-giving for you and others.
3. Recognize the fear-based thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that have been triggered within you, and consider how to move forward in a life-giving way. This introspection may take some time in solitude and silence, and it can be helpful to write down your thoughts, or talk them out with a wise friend or therapist.
4. Notice if you are in a hierarchical mindset where you feel the need to be right or above the other person. Then move towards an equality mindset where you appreciate the common needs and connection between you and the other person.
5. Leave the situation or relationship if that is the most life-giving option. However, if you choose to do this, understand that it is possible to physically leave a situation but still be mentally, emotionally, and energetically bound to the dynamics. So if you make this choice- consider picturing yourself stepping forward out of love for yourself rather than stepping away out of anger or frustration that your needs have not been met.
6. Choose to be compassionate with those you are in conflict with and with yourself.
7. See the opportunities for personal growth that are present in every situation.
8. Focus on what you want to create.
9. Look for things to be grateful for.
10. Notice the love that is present in every situation.
💜≈ For more information on healing personal relationships, consider checking out my second book, Healing with Awareness.