• Mary Ruth Velicki

Wanting Others to Grow With Us

Updated: Mar 22



As we heal (or grow in awareness) we often release what we are carrying, and gradually open up to perceive and experience more love. This internal growth sometimes shifts our relationships, and this can feel destabilizing. This post presents three common ways people react to this change, and provides suggestions on how to move forward.


1. Wanting the person to change so you can connect with them.


The simple fact is that you cannot change other people.  Free will always prevails. You cannot make others open up. You can share your experience, but when you feel their resistance, try not to push them to change to meet your needs. Simply love them where they are.


2. Shrinking into old dynamics and then holding resentment.


Note when you become a crutch for another person, and then understand that you don't have to take on this role. It is possible to learn how to stay separate and grounded on all levels: emotionally, mentally, and energetically. Decreasing a constricting attachment with another person is an internal job. This holds true even when the most life-giving decision is to leave the relationship because it is possible to be physically apart and still wrapped up in the dynamics.


3. Becoming afraid of losing the relationship.


When we think that we receive love through our interactions, we tend to cling to them and we are willing to shrink to fit. However, as we grow in personal/spiritual awareness, we sense the love from which we are made. We understand that love is present everywhere, in everything, and it is who we are. The more we sense this love, the less apt we are to give our power over to others, and the easier it becomes to stand on our own feet. With this perspective, we know we will be okay even if our relationships shift or end, and our fear dissipates.


It can be difficult when the dynamics of close relationships get shaken up, but keep going! Because as you continue to grow and expand, your life will reflect this change, and your relationships will become more uplifting and loving.



💜For more insights about personal transformation and healing relationships, consider checking out my second book, Healing with Awareness. To receive future posts, please join the blog.